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From: Eirikur Hallgrimsson <eh@mad.scientist.com>
Organization: Electric Brain
To: fork@example.com
Subject: Re: [VoID] a new low on the personals tip...
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Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 11:45:50 -0400
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On Wednesday 18 September 2002 06:47 am, Robert Harley wrote:
> ....and with the crucial hair feature enabled!

That got a good laugh out of me.   Just saying "crucial hair feature" 
improves my day immeasurably.

I've done a fair amount of thinking about the "media intermediated" meeting 
thing.   It seriously loses for reasons like Rohit's just encountered.   
One is both rejected for trivial reasons and rejects for the same.
Some people loudly defend that these choices are not trivial.

I'd have never met my best friend if I had to pick her out of a crowd for 
getting to know.   I was a teen at the time, but I won't say I'm much 
improved at being able to spot "interesting" at a distance.   Interesting 
isn't an external thing.  I have that brought home to me again every so 
often.  I may think that interesting people dress differently or whatever, 
but that's total superstition.   How do I know what your version of 
creative attire is?  Maybe it's purely functional.

I was at a loud party recently, sufficiently loud that conversation of any 
kind was extremely difficult, and intoxication was the norm.   I was 
working on what my algorithm for meeting people there should be and one of 
the candidates was "women, in order of attractiveness."   I flinched from 
that, rather violently.   At a trade show, or something, I might elect to 
talk to the people who are looking at interesting exhibits.   At a 
party.....well, if you can't hear the conversation they are having, or if 
on the net all you have is a photo.....

You just can't tell important things from a picture and a few words.  It's 
not how we are built.   There's no geek code for the heart and soul.
(And if there were people would lie and game the system.)
It's too easy to say "Oh, no!  He's a geek!"   or "She's a CAT person, 
ick!" when you might have a great time together.

We are constructed to form alliances based on how we fit together as 
people, how we feel in the other person's company, how well we partner on 
tasks and recreation.   This is all entirely speculative based on nothing 
but superstitious association unless you actually have time in the 
person's company.   Which is why we tend to be screwed when our circle of 
exposure shrinks after school.

Personally, as a writer, the whole internet meet & email thing ought to 
work better for me than it does for other people, but interestingly, it 
doesn't.   I have to put out the same amount of effort and reap about the 
same poor results.    I have to think it's not the people, but the tool.

An aside (okay, yes, I'm a tool geek):  Speed Dating
Speed Dating (aka 7 Minute Dating) is a live-action stab at actual time in 
the company of a variety of people, compressed into one event.   I think 
it's noticably better, but still absolutely nothing like working on a 
project together, cooking, climbing a mountain or whatever.
It was, in fact, invented as a jewish thing seeking to match up the young 
people to avoid total assimilation.   It has too much "interview" context 
and no shared activity beyond that.   I give it several points for effort 
though. 

I guess my impression that even the Speed Dating thing doesn't do much for 
you means that the traditional advice of "join activities groups" is 
actually sound.

Eirikur












